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Thoughts Every Cyclist Has

by The Cycle Jersey |

1. So, we’re all just pretending the bike lane doesn’t exist then? Cool, just checking.
2. I do not trust any other cyclists coming my way.
3. Especially that guy on a Boris bike.
4. I also do not trust that guy in a suit.
5. If you need to tie up your trousers to cycle, don’t cycle, just don't do it.


6. Why are there so many people without helmets?! YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE. Idiots.
7. There's a strange sound on this bike.
8. Something is loose. Something is definitely loose!
9. I should stop and figure out what it is...
10. Be late to work VS. bike fall apart?
11. Well, I don’t want to be late…
12. I’ll fix it before the next ride. It’ll be fine. Probably.
13. Actually, did that sound happen last ride?
14. Or maybe it wasn’t actually a problem? Probably not. I’ll carry on.
15. This probably won’t work out well.

16. Not sure if this is terrible head wind, or I’m that very unfit.
17. It's got to be the head wind.
18. I hope you die too, taxi driver. Thanks for your unsolicited insult.
19. Also, yes, please continue to turn into me.
20. It’s fine, I am very well-protected against your two tons of metal.
21. Dick.

22. That buttcrack in front of me is NOT an enjoyable view.
23. That buttcrack more so.
24. I think that person is turning off. Should I follow them?
25. No. No bike-stalking. It doesn’t work out.
26. I’m outside! There’re green spaces! Everything is nature!
27. I’m pretty sure the city air has colour.
28. This bus is way too close. I really hope it needs to turn the other way.
29. Is it getting bigger? It’s definitely getting louder.
30. OK, it turned. I think I was holding my breath? Not sure why...
31. FLY! MOUTH! Spit or swallow?
32. Spitting not working. SPITTING NOT WORKING.
33. Oh god. I have to go with swallow.
34. Swallowing > inhaling. Positive thinking!

35. People who mount the pavement on bikes deserve to hit lampposts.
36. Did I bring both my locks?
37. I’m pretty sure I left one in my house.
38. I’m going to miss my bike.

39. Pedestrian not looking! More dodging practice.
40. It’s a road. It’s not complicated.
41. How do you not understand walking? VERY SMALL CHILDREN CAN DO THIS.
42. Ican’tdodgethismanypeopleinarow. There’s going to be a crash.
43. I’m going to miss my teeth.
44. Wait, I’m OK? Good. I would quite like to know how that happened.
45. And now there’s nowhere to leave my bike.