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Thoughts Every Cyclist Has On Christmas Day

by The Cycle Jersey |

The thoughts every single cyclist has on Christmas day... 


2. Ok breathe, everything's alright.  Now,  ride time.
3. No wait.
5. Can I still just go for a ride anyway though?
6. I think so.   I'll be back in a couple hours.
7. Just get up vverryyy quietly. Like a ninja.
8. Just slowly sneak my kit out of the wardrobe.
9. Oh FFS!! Kids awake.
10. Game over (for now).
11. Let the fun commence - Santa's been, presents now,
12. Ride later?
13. I don't remember buying that?  Soo many presents.
14. If I hadn’t bought so many bloody presents I could have been able to afford that kit I’ve had my eye on for months!
15. AND a new helmet.
16. But I’ve been good this year. Maybe the big man has bought me some.
17. Socks.  Are you serious?
18. Thaaaanks... Just what I’ve always wanted.
19. There must be more presents later.
20. Presents for me, I mean.
21. First drink of the day, 10am isn’t too early for champers…
22. Plus mixed with orange juice it’s healthy.
23. Pretty much a Smoothie, technically...
24. And it’s made with grapes. So two of my 5 a day.


25. How long does turkey take to cook?
26. Long enough for me to ride while it’s in the oven?
27. The Great Escape is on.
28. I’ll just watch 15 minutes, then ride.
29. *two hours later*
30. Turkey time!
31. Great hunk of protein for my evening ride.
32. And pigs in blankets. Good fats. Tasty fats.
33. Fuel me up.
34. FS. Who's washing up?

35.  Everyone's avoiding eye contact.  That'll be my job then, AGAIN.
36. How is it possible to have used EVERY plate and serving dish in my house?
37. This is where the children come in handy.
38. Mini dish washing slaves.
39. Now… Big decision.
40. Dr Who special
41. Or a bit of Corrie?
42. So gutted I didn’t get that kit.
43. But wait.
44. Is that one solitary present I spot at the back of the tree?
45. It can’t be? For me?
46. *remain calm*
47. Casually open the present. No big deal.


48. YA DANCERRRRRR!! It’s the kit!
49. OK sorry Dr Who. I’m going cycling, byee!
50. Need to try out these babies.
51. These are amazing.
51. All my Christmas wishes have come true.
52. I feel alive
53. I’m definitely cycling faster than I ever have before.
54. Actually starting to feel a bit sick.
55. Full stomach.
56. 12 drinks of Christmas.
57. Cycling = bad choice.  Complete school boy error!
58. One block is far enough.
59. Back to the sofa I think.  Puke alert.

im drunk